Masculinity as Homophobia
Quote #1
“One boy will accuse another of being a sissy, to which that boy will respond that he is not a sissy, that the first boy is. They may have to fight it out to see who’s lying. Or a whole group of boys will surround one boy and all should “He is! He is!” That boy will either burst into tears and run home crying, disgraced, or he will have to take on several boys at once, to prove that he’s not a sissy. (And what will his father or older brothers tell him if he chooses to run home crying?) It will be some time before he regains any sense of self-respect.” (147)
To communicate the common fear of men being viewed as ‘unmanly’, Michael S. Kimmel gives the example of a group of six year old boys on the playground. In this situation, where a boy feels threatened of being a ‘sissy’, he can respond in one of two ways: attack the individual back with the same threat, which becomes a blame game, or the boy can join a group and the boys will attack one individual to digress the tension off of the individual and put the aim on another, with the similar interest of not being the target for abuse. The one who is singled out by the group is now forced to react which is another opportunity to show his masculinity or femininity. The boy could prove that he is not bothered by fighting either verbally or physically which does not do anything for either of the boys because they are under the radar for this attack but only proves that this fear is a serious struggle for American men. If, however, the boy chooses to run from the problem, he is demonstrating that he is not ‘man enough’ to face the issue. Kimmel also mentions the respect the boy gets after surrendering. He poses the question: what will his dad think of him by not standing up for himself and fighting back? Ultimately, this example shows that fear is closely related to shamefulness. It is a vicious cycle because men are often putting up a front to prove that they are straight and so if men show weakness, they are assumed to be homosexual.
Quote #2
“He walks a certain way, talks a certain way, acts a certain way. He’s very emotional; he shows his feelings. One woman commented that she “knows” a man is gay if he really cares about her; another said she knows he’s gay if he shows no interest in her, if he leaves her alone.” (148)
In this quote, Michael Kimmel is referring to the common idiosyncrasies and behaviors of a homosexual. Society has created one image of what gay looks like and that is why straight men do everything in their power to avoid acting the same way. Kimmel uses the example from a random woman who claims that she knows if someone is gay because they interact with her in a way where she feels like she can treat him like another girl friend or that he will not show any interest in her because he is not looking for anything out of the relationship besides an acquaintance. This ‘gay standard’ has solidified that there is a serious issue and fear that straight men have of looking or seeming feminine in any way.
Quote #3
“The chauffeur looks as though he is in command. But to the chauffeur himself, they note, he is merely taking orders. He is not at all incharge...The missing piece is that the person who is giving the orders is also a man. Now we have a relationship between men - between men giving orders and other men taking those orders. The man who identifies with the chauffeur is entitled to be the man giving the orders, but he is not.” (149)
Michael Kimmel is touching on the idea that individual men do not feel as though they hold any power but as men in a group they are more dominant. In the chauffer example, he shows that the driver can be seen in two different ways: the controller and commander of the car or someone who is following directions and taking commands from another man. Another reason why men feel powerless is because of their wives, children and bosses giving them orders and expecting them to handle all kinds of different situations. Kimmel mentions that men feel frustrated because they are seen as entitled to power but don’t see its presence in their everyday life.
Three thoughtful questions for discussion
“One boy will accuse another of being a sissy, to which that boy will respond that he is not a sissy, that the first boy is. They may have to fight it out to see who’s lying. Or a whole group of boys will surround one boy and all should “He is! He is!” That boy will either burst into tears and run home crying, disgraced, or he will have to take on several boys at once, to prove that he’s not a sissy. (And what will his father or older brothers tell him if he chooses to run home crying?) It will be some time before he regains any sense of self-respect.” (147)
To communicate the common fear of men being viewed as ‘unmanly’, Michael S. Kimmel gives the example of a group of six year old boys on the playground. In this situation, where a boy feels threatened of being a ‘sissy’, he can respond in one of two ways: attack the individual back with the same threat, which becomes a blame game, or the boy can join a group and the boys will attack one individual to digress the tension off of the individual and put the aim on another, with the similar interest of not being the target for abuse. The one who is singled out by the group is now forced to react which is another opportunity to show his masculinity or femininity. The boy could prove that he is not bothered by fighting either verbally or physically which does not do anything for either of the boys because they are under the radar for this attack but only proves that this fear is a serious struggle for American men. If, however, the boy chooses to run from the problem, he is demonstrating that he is not ‘man enough’ to face the issue. Kimmel also mentions the respect the boy gets after surrendering. He poses the question: what will his dad think of him by not standing up for himself and fighting back? Ultimately, this example shows that fear is closely related to shamefulness. It is a vicious cycle because men are often putting up a front to prove that they are straight and so if men show weakness, they are assumed to be homosexual.
Quote #2
“He walks a certain way, talks a certain way, acts a certain way. He’s very emotional; he shows his feelings. One woman commented that she “knows” a man is gay if he really cares about her; another said she knows he’s gay if he shows no interest in her, if he leaves her alone.” (148)
In this quote, Michael Kimmel is referring to the common idiosyncrasies and behaviors of a homosexual. Society has created one image of what gay looks like and that is why straight men do everything in their power to avoid acting the same way. Kimmel uses the example from a random woman who claims that she knows if someone is gay because they interact with her in a way where she feels like she can treat him like another girl friend or that he will not show any interest in her because he is not looking for anything out of the relationship besides an acquaintance. This ‘gay standard’ has solidified that there is a serious issue and fear that straight men have of looking or seeming feminine in any way.
Quote #3
“The chauffeur looks as though he is in command. But to the chauffeur himself, they note, he is merely taking orders. He is not at all incharge...The missing piece is that the person who is giving the orders is also a man. Now we have a relationship between men - between men giving orders and other men taking those orders. The man who identifies with the chauffeur is entitled to be the man giving the orders, but he is not.” (149)
Michael Kimmel is touching on the idea that individual men do not feel as though they hold any power but as men in a group they are more dominant. In the chauffer example, he shows that the driver can be seen in two different ways: the controller and commander of the car or someone who is following directions and taking commands from another man. Another reason why men feel powerless is because of their wives, children and bosses giving them orders and expecting them to handle all kinds of different situations. Kimmel mentions that men feel frustrated because they are seen as entitled to power but don’t see its presence in their everyday life.
Three thoughtful questions for discussion
- Is entitlement a common characteristic of a homosexual? If so, why is this attitude a stereotype?
- Why do men feel powerless because of different types of discrimination?
- How does Michael Kimmel suggest we reduce men’s fear of being ridiculed as feminine?